CAROUSEL

CAROUSEL

Bukas, punta tayo sa carnival?, the older brother suggested to his younger sibling one night.

Yehey, the little boy nodded in exclamation. Carousel ako bukas!

O, matulog ka na, requested the older brother.

Yes, kuya. Sleep na ako.

The little boy hurriedly hugged his older brother and tucked himself to bed.  He seemed too eager to go to the carnival the following night.  An obvious smile formed on the little boy’s face while he slept.

The next morning, the little boy woke up cheerful.  He ran towards his kuya who was at the dining room eating breakfast.

Hello kuya! The little boy greeted his older brother. What time ka uuwi from work mamaya?,  the younger brother asked smiling.

Bakit bunso? The older brother inquired, puzzled at the little boy’s question.

Di ba, pupunta tayo sa carnival mamaya?

Ah…eh…, the older brother finally remembered his promise.

…kasi bunso, continued the older brother, in a rather serious tone. May lakad kasi si kuya mamaya kasama officemates niya. Puwede ba next time na lang?

The little boy suddenly realized he won’t be riding the carousel tonight.

Pero…pero…nag-promise ka eh, whined the little boy. Kala ko, tuloy, di naman pala.

May next time pa naman bunso eh. Promise, next week, tuloy na, defended the older sibling.

The little boy couldn’t look straight at his brother. Tears were slowly forming in the little boy’s eyes. The little boy bowed his head down and stared at the floor’s wooden tiles. Slowly, he paced himself away from the dining room and went back to his bedroom.  The little boy locked the door and went back to bed.

The older brother, on the other hand, finished his meal. He did not try to knock on his younger brother’s bedroom. He knew bunso was mad at him. He finished his morning rituals and went to his office afterwards.

The older brother arrived very late that night. He immediately went to his brother’s bedroom to check if he was already asleep. The door was slightly opened; so he decided to take a peek. 

The younger brother was not yet asleep. He was playing pretend again. He pretended his towel was a cape and acted like his favorite superhero.

Oh, Super Tommy. Tara, lipad na tayo! Dali!, the little boy commanded.

From outside, the older brother saw the little boy extend his arms upwards, both fist clenched with conviction. He raised his head and gazed at the ceiling, its white paint as immaculate as the cloudy sky.

Jshjuuuuuuuu, Jsshhhjjuuuuu, shouted the little boy, mimicking the sound of a jet plane.

Ayan, lumilipad na tayo Super Tommy. The little boy’s feet lengthen almost at a tip-toe. Buti na lang nakakalipad tayo.

The older brother was curious if the little boy brought along one of his neighborhood friends again. He took a closer look. The little boy was alone in his room.

Sa wakas Super Tommy, nakikita mo ba yun? Yun oh. Yun oh,  Wow, yung Ferris Wheel. The little boy pointed at the ceiling fan. Wow, may fireworks pa. Oh, mag-ingat tayo Super Tommy baka matamaan tayo ng fireworks. The little boy cautioned his sidekick and moved sideways like maneuvering away from a possible harm.

Tara, Super Tommy baba tayo. Gusto ko kasi makita yung carnival nang maayos. The little boy squatted and rested his arms on the side.

Jssshhjjuuuu, Jssssssssjjjuuuu. The little boy and his sidekick slowly landed on the ground.  

Wow, Super Tommy, ang ganda ng carnival. Ang daming tao! Ang daming rides. Wow, Super Tommy, sa wakas, nakita ko na yung carousel, delighted the little boy. Ang ganda -  ang ganda ng carousel, Super Tommy. 

The little boy took a pause and enjoyed his view. In front of him, a rotating platform of colorful horses, gigantic marine forms, and mythical creatures galloped up and down as they danced about the merriment of the looped music. Its coordinated lights illuminated against the backdrop of the starless night. The sight was all what the little boy ever wanted.                 

Sana Super Tommy, the little boy sighed, nandito din si Kuya. Sana nakakalipad din siya.

The older brother stared blankly at his brother. He stared for another moment and slowly closed the door, careful not to disturb the little boy. He paced himself away from his brother’s bedroom and retreated to his own bedroom just adjacent to the little boy's. He locked the door and rested on his bed. He could still hear the little boy talking to Super Tommy.

DAYLIGHT

3/2/2014

“Hi,” I said, quite sheepishly.

I always felt awkward whenever I have to introduce myself to a person I just met. An introvert, I will easily choose spending my night in a quiet library alone, perusing through a labyrinth of print than to be here – a crowded bar of strangers gyrating to the deejay’s manipulated beats.

You extended your right hand. I shook it firmly in return.

“Hello,” you smiled and took a seat on our table.

“Asa ka sa Cebu?” (“Where in Cebu are you from?”), you leaned towards me to ask.

I moved closer – the loud music was an unlikely companion for an audible conversation. “Sorry, I’m from Makati.”

I work two jobs in Makati – by day, a copywriter; by night, a college instructor. The accumulated salary is just enough to survive in an expensive metro. Still, I can manage to save for two luxuries, books and my travels to Cebu.     

   

“Nag-unsa pud ka diri?” (“Why are you in Cebu then?”)

Cebu, for me, is a place of retreat from my life as a professional. Cebu provides consolation. Last year, I visited Cebu thrice – once to recover from depression; the others, to celebrate my birthday and my masters graduation.                                     

Cebu is where I find comfort in companionship and conversations that are both real and unconditional. In Cebu, I am spared from the dialogues of toil and pretension.

“Naa ra’y gi-asikaso.” (“Attending to some important matters.”)

I booked this particular trip to meet with my college classmates - we were finalizing details for our start-up business. My share in the income, if ever, will fund my digest for books, travel, and also support my younger brother’s college education.       

           

I had my mind fixed. It will be a business trip. No expectations of something (or someone) that will make this trip life-changing whatsoever.

An hour has passed. I was amused we were still talking. I observed that even in the meager light, your eyes were beaming with interest.

We progressed with our chat. We have now formed our own space, unmindful of the noise and the people around us.

“Asa man pud ka ni-laag ganina?” (“What places did you visit earlier?”), you continued.

“Maski asa ra gud” (“Anywhere”), I responded. “At the Basilica, SM, Ayala.”  

I must confess. Although I frequent the place, I have not thoroughly explored the wonders of Cebu. My trips are tailored in a routine – spend time with friends, dine in my favorite Sunburst restaurant, visit the Basilica Minore de Santo Nino de Cebu. The last, in particular, is my personal devotion as I was named after the Miraculous Image of Santo Nino. (My parents prayed fervently to His Image for them to have a child; thus, I was born.)  

          

My travels may not be as adventurous. But I cannot complain. My friends are great companions – they are more than a compromise.

“Maayo gani ni-anhi mo diri” (“It’s good that you went here.”), you shared.

Tonight, to my surprise, my friends traded routine for spontaneity. I was hesitant with their suggestion. A bar or anywhere crowded and noisy is somewhere outside my comfort zone. But then, I reminded myself of a resolution I made this year: START MISBEHAVING For an introvert, that statement really reads, START LIVING A LIFE.

I have slowly fulfilled this promise. I now feel less guilty whenever I didn’t finish a book on time – justifying that I am making my own adventures instead of just reading them. Last month, I “unsobered” myself after three years of not drinking beer. I also tried meeting people, in the quest to find someone who will discontinue my seven years of lonesomeness.

                               

Travel offers a chance for anonymity – for one to take risks and commit mistakes without fear of judgment or guilt. In a different place, I am a different person. I am braver, more outspoken, less awkward.            

                                         

So tonight, I pursued a conversation with you. I showed you myself, told you all truths in exchange of an encounter with you. I talked without inhibition and enjoyed the freedom your companionship brought.

“Kanus-a pud ka mubalik?” (“When are you going back to Makati?”)

“Five in the morning,” I paused, “later.”

It’s two in the morning. Thirty minutes from now, I have to return to my friend’s pad, get my luggage, and hail a cab to the airport.

I did not want this to end. But time and distance were my enemies.

I wanted to ask you something but I became hesitant – you might reject my request. But I reminded myself, to travel is to take risk. And so, I did something for the first time…

“Sorry, but can I ask for your number?” I waited anxiously for your response.

“Give me your number instead. I’ll text you, okay?” you suggested.

I scribbled my digits on a piece of paper. We shook hands. It was time for me to leave. I took a last glimpse. You smiled back.

3/3/2014

Ladies and gentlemen, we are now beginning our final descent to Ninoy Aquino…

I woke up to the stewardess’ announcement. It’s about 6:05 in the morning. The Cebu Pacific plane is about to land at the Manila airport. Reality is about to set in again.  

            

The window pane offered a majestic view. Outside, a sea of clouds gathered as they greeted the morning sun, its light slowly painting each cloud’s lining. 

                                            

A small fragment of light refracted through the window. I recalled our chance encounter in what was supposedly a predictable travel – I am hoping for a repeat.

                       

As I move forward, I bring with me memories of your companionship and a new sense of courage, a self that acknowledges the rewards of living outside the comforts of my solitude. Like that small light, you, radiant and beaming, gave me new hope. 

                     

I peeked through the window again. The daylight outside became brighter. This day holds such promise.